Be a Good Kisser

Be a Good KisserDO gently caress your partner's face.
DON'T octopus your hands all over their body.

DO use your tongue to stimulate.
DON'T use your tongue like a jackhammer.

DO notice how your partner reacts to your kisses.
DON'T notice how cute the guy at the next table is.

DO communicate with your partner.
DON'T communicate the kiss to everyone in the locker room.

DO chew a gum before you kiss.
DON’T kill him with your bad breath.

DO say something sweet now and then while kissing.
DON’T keep blabbering non-stop in the moment of passion.

Joke - Indians and Polish

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave.

He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!"

He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave.
The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about,
was that Indian goofy or something.

"No", said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back,

that means that she is in there waiting for you.

Well, just about that time, the other Indian saw another cave.

He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!"
When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!",
off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.

The Polack started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave.

As he looked in amazement, he was thinking,
"Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger then the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave!"

Well... he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!"

He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of,
"WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!
Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.

The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, Naked Polack Run Over By Freight Train!!

HOW ONE LOOK INTO THE PROBLEM

Here are 2 excellent cases on

' Difference between focusing on problems & focusing on solutions'

Case 1

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did the Russians do? They used a pencil.

Case 2

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies.

The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly! line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.

No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral

Always look for simple solutions.

Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.

Always Focus on solutions & not on problems.

So the end of the day the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOK INTO THE PROBLEM, mere perceptions can solve the tough problems

Baseline of friendship is mutual understanding

I have continuously stressed on friendship between two friends. I have also mentioned that friendship cannot exist between more than two friends. I would like to clarify my statement for those people who do not agree to my statement.

My intention to write on this topic is not only to express my views but also make others realize the value of friendship, so that this earth becomes a better place to live.

Friendship, what I am talking about, here, is not friendship, which exists between any two individuals who have same choices. Two people liking vada sambaar cannot be called friends, but they think in this manner.

"I like vada-sambaar, you like it too. I like watching movies, you like it too. You like my company I like yours. We have so much in common! We are friends."
This is the general way in which people make friends these days. The meaning of 10 alphabetical words is deteriorating.

The above example is not an example of friendship; it is actually joining hands with a person whose ideas and favorites match with yours.

Friendship consists of accepting a person wholly in your life in spite of any differences that you may have. Your friend need not like what you like and vice versa.

If this is the baseline (vada-sambaar) of friendship then you may have thousands of friends! Go to the south and you will find one for every step you walk.

But! The baseline of friendship is mutual understanding. You ought to understand as to what your friend's viewpoint is before asking him/her. You must learn to listen to his/her views even if they do not match yours.

This is the beginning of a better decision. You may realize it soon that because of difference in thought or rather opinion, about a particular topic, with your friend, you reach a perfect conclusion, because of friendly discussion with your friend.

You know that there is no square root solution to 26 or 23.
But add them together.
26 + 23 = 49. 49 have a square root!
Your views are 26Your friend's views are 23 ( or vice-versa )
And 49 is your joint view. And 7 is the solution to your problem.

Thus, "Baseline of friendship is mutual understanding."

Two Thoughts........of friendship

The other day, you told me on the phone that as you are elder to me, so you have more experience of life...may be it holds true in your case, also for my parents and even your parents...but that set me thinking...does Age always predetermine one's Experience ?

And I found myself saying: No

May be, that little homeless boy on the street has gathered more experience than children like Sunny and Shoma who are given a sheltered life by us...

May be that rag-picker woman who has to struggle daily to make both ends meet and live with dignity in a man's world, even though she may be years younger to me, life may have taught her much more because of her harsh experiences...

May be that street-hawker, or that riksha-wallah, or that beggar, even though they may be years younger to us...yet life has added years to their life...for they learned it the hard way...

Even if we compare the same SES (socio-economic status), a man or a woman who has travelled the world, mixed with various cultures, stayed at different places, mingled with people of all races and studied their lives, irrespective of his/her age, would certainly have a more varied experience than Me or my so called friend.

So I conclude that Age could be a predisposition to Experience, yet not necessarily an essential ingredient for a person to gather his intelligence and wisdom of what life has to offer him...

A short life can be full of varied experiences and a long life can be devoid of many experiences, depending on the circumstances which befall the person, how his fate governs his life, and how he adapts to struggle in this world of Survival of the Fittest.

So Mental Age is always independent of Chronological Age.

That's all for now...Quite a long mail...Happy Pondering !

I'll keep coming back to you in this cosy 'thinking-pad' of mine, to share my thoughts with you, may be daily, may be weekly, may be fortnightly, may be monthly...Life is Unpredictable,

So Am I !

I've come back to you again because 2 thoughts have been bugging me for a long time, and I needed to pen those down...

The Ripple Effect

Drop a pebble in the water,
just a splash and it is gone,
but there are half-a-hundred ripples,
circling on and on and on.
Spreading to the center,
flowing onward to the sea,
and there is no way of telling
where the end is going to be.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness,
just a splash and it is gone,
but there are half-a-hundred ripples
circling on and on and on,
bearing hope and joy and comfort
on each splashing, dashing wave--
'til you wouldn't believe the volume
of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness,
in a minute you forget.
But there is gladness still a-swelling,
and there's joy a-circling yet.
For you've rolled a wave of comfort
whose sweet music can be heard,
over miles and miles of water all around the world,
by just dropping--
One Kind Word

The Ripple Effect: Author Unknown

Absolute Friendship..

Where did it go wrong? They set out to achieve the unthinkable.. something which was close to being impossible, and in doing so, put their hearts at stake, their tears at stake..

It was close to perfection. Till the time it lasted, it was incredible. It was a connection second only to God.. a connection that had no need for words.. just a connection between two minds so lonely yet so happy, but who found in each other the “sink” as they put it. A sink which neither of them thought was necessary, yet when they found it, they sealed its memory firm in the head to be cherished for the present lifetime..

It was a story of two minds, both of whom thought they were “free”, untouched by the air around them and happy to be surrounded by so many, yet be “alone”.. They had loose ends in their lives.. they acknowledged them, but had learnt to live with them with the hope of finding their respective ends in the times to come..

The fateful day when they acknowledged each other's presence in their lives would surely be a moment to remember for them. The pieces began falling into place, the void was slowly beginning to fill up, and the free minds were bound together by what they termed as “absolute friendship” which they thought would last for generations to come..

It did last for a long time, long enough for it to become a very important phase of their lives..
But where did it go wrong...? The sheer presence of something so perfect was not welcomed by this world which was itself far from being perfect. Hearts change and minds follow and this led to the end of a truely enthraling tale of two strong minds who learnt to admit their weaknesses in each other's presence but continued to be “free“ for the world around them..

The Solider's friend

In a battle camp, a solider prepares to go bring his wounded friend back from the field. His caption says "No use, your friend must be dead mostly". But the solider still goes and brings back his friend. Seeing the dead body the captain say's "I told you it’s not worth it. He is dead." the solider replies, "No sir, it was really worth it. When I got to him. My friend saw me, smiled and said "man I knew you'll come..........” That's Friendship

Friendship Thoughts

Recently I fell out with one of my ‘friend’ – It betrayed my faith. Thiis assault really made me sit up and I decided to take a fresh look at the very institution of friendship.

One of the standard English dictionaries defines friendship as ‘affection, affinity, alliance, amity, attachment, benevolence, closeness, concord, familiarity, fondness, friendliness, good-fellowship, good will, harmony, intimacy, love, rapport, regard’ between unrelated individuals. It is thus evident that the term has much more depth than what we usually understand and more often we tend to use it loosely. I seriously doubt whether any of our normal friendships ever reach such lofty levels of sincerity and purpose; but the pertinent question is whether it is a basic necessity to have any friendship at all?

In a highly competitive society like ours, there is hardly anything that one can offer another and consequently true friendship among equals is like a mirage. More often it is foolishness to strive for it. Stories about meeting of minds, conscience keeping and friends from last birth are all things of the past. Nowadays we have only convenient relations to get things done one way or other. The fact that participants in a friendship have no blood relation calls for some other binding force to hold the relationship together. And such a force can be unleashed only by offering a helping hand, monetary or in some other manner. Strong and true friendship breeds only on feeding each other and those who have nothing to give can never strike a friendship. In other words, friendship is akin to debt and unless one can service it, never go for it.

The power (magnetism) of friendship!

"Neither words nor eyes are needed in friendship.

Hearts speak to each other."

For two people in friendship there is no need for words or gestures, you often understand your friend and his/her unspoken statement. Brains of two friends are interlinked so much so that friends can exactly think at the same level as his/her friend. Can call friends as "Two bodies same soul". You often tend to know what's going on in your friend's mind.

True friendship consists of putting yourself in your friend's place. Know that your friend is as emotional as you. The thinking level of two friends lies at the same level as if in the same brain! You can know when your friend is thinking of you and your friend knows that you are thinking of him.

The difference in love and friendship is that in love, lovers miss each other when they think of each other. Friends never miss each other when they think of each other. Please do not misunderstand my statement. I do not say that friends do not miss each other, because I, myself, have given 'Miss you' cards to my friend. What I wan to say is that when two friends think of each other it so happens that the other calls up the one who is thinking of his/her friend.
I, personally feel that friendship, in all ways, is more powerful than love!

If ever you think of your friend and she/he calls up, do not mistake it as coincidence. It is the power (magnetism) of friendship!

Why do we need friends ?

A very big question?

Every person in this world needs friendship. Without friendship we just can’t live, it’s like the frog that lives in the pond and thinks that only this is the world.

In our life we meet many friends, whom we like. But, there may be only one or two person who can change our life. Whom we don’t want to leave. We just can’t think of leaving them and if by any chance we come in such a position that we have to leave that friend, we feel that all the excitement from our life has gone. No matter how happy and satisfied we are with our life. We start doubting the definition of friendship.

We may have many relation in our life 1.e. father, mother, hubby, wife, brother, sister etc but friendship is above all. There are certain things that we can’t share with anyone except our friends. That’s the reason why we look for friends.

When a friendship comes to end we start thinking of those persons who were great friends like Lord Rama and Hanuman, Lord Krishna and Sudama etc.

But, one thing we should understand that friendship is the other name of trust. The reason why most friendship breaks is “lack of mutual trust".
That’s the single most reason. The day you feel that the other person doesn’t trust you or vice-versa. The roots of friendship stops growing.

There can be one more reason that we can say plays an important role in breaking friendship. That is “lack of mutual respect”. If you feel that the other person doesn’t give you the respect that you deserve or he/she doesn’t give respect to your feelings and emotions. The roots of friendship start shaking.

We all accept that we need friends, Good Friends.
Then lets try and trust our friends and give the respect that he/she deserves.

More important there is no place for EGO.
There should not be EGO problem between the two.

The day past without friend won’t come again.
So, try o preserve each and every day. Don’t waste it simply, because the day when you feel like talking to your friend and if he/she ignores you. You will feel very bad. We can’t afford to loose a single day of our life.
If a relationship has come to an end then lets forget it and try to start it again or

‘Go ahead and look for a new Buddy”.

But, enjoy every moment of your life.
World is very big.

We can’t sit and cry for whatever has happened. After all, everybody moves in life and it is best to let go of the past.

I strongly feel that everybody should be out in the open right at the beginning of a relationship. In the first stage we are still discovering and starting to accept the person. But, if this “Past catching up” business comes later in relationship, it could cause a major upheaval and lead to awkwardness too.
If u comes to know that your friend was telling you lies all these days without any reason. Then you will feel bad, very bad and it hurts very badly. So, stop avoiding these lies from the beginning. If you tell everything to your friend form the beginning then it shows that you really care for your friend and really trust him/her.

Moreover, it is important to know the real person and not just an illusion created by him/her.

When you do friendship to a person it means you are important and special to him/her.

Never impose your friendship !

Friendship is a golden thread woven by two friends around themselves to create a different world of their own, all by themselves. They distinguish their world from the rest of the world by their immense love for each other.

Friendship can never be one sided, because if it is so, then one of the two is not a friend but a prisoner in the world so created by the other one who calls himself/herself as friend. Such friendships never last longer! Because the so called prisoner either breaks open the chains and go away or get pressurized under the so called friendship of the so called friend and gets frustrated and rebels!

In both the cases, I personally feel that the so-called friend is the one at fault (Obviously) and he is also the one who has to lose. Because he/she (whoever concerned) loses a ‘buddy’. He/She loses a person on whom he/She had showered all the love possessed by him/her.

Unfortunately, the love showered was like nailing the other person who was not interested.

So! The best way is to win over the person first, know what his/her wish is, whether the person is really interested in friendship! If no, then......

Do not lose hope; if you want a friend then you deserve that person.

Sooner or later, the seed of friendship will be sowed in the heart of that person and he would enjoy being your friend.

The world created, then, would be the most powerful and beautiful one, found on this earth.

Friendship is not measured by the time you were friends, it depends on how much you trust each other. It depends on immense affection towards each other.

This is why, often, friendships as old as many years are, less deep and true than those just born!

Friendship is an art, not known to all. Know it and you will be highly blessed.

Thus, this is one of the most important rule of friendship .It is the best way to start a lifelong friendship :

Friendship Quotes.....

--Love is not loveWhich alters when it finds alterationOr bends with the remover to removeO! No! It is an ever-fixed markThat looks on tempests and is never shaken. -William Shakespare

--"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it." – Pablo Casals.

--Leave something for friend.........never leave friend for something..............Because in life, something will leave you, but friends will always live with you.

..Nice people are like the wind, U will never know what's inside their heart, But u'll always feel their presence.

--" Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing". - Benjamin Franklin

--Golden wods in Life is "Never cry for anybody". Beacuse the person for whom you are crying never desreves your tears...........and who really deserves it..will never let you cry !

--Forgiveness is the final form of love. -- Reinhold Niebubr

-- Relationship is like a garden. It's beautiful when watered with love, tears & cheers. but it dries up if left untouched.

--We met , it was LUCK...............We talked , it was by CHANCE..............we beacme friends, it was DESTINY..........We are still friends, its DECISION.............We will lways be friends, thats a PROMISE.

--Good friends care for each other.........Close friends understand each other..... ans true friends stay forever................Beyond words.............Beyond Time.........Beyond Distance..........

--LIFE ended when you stopped dreaming.......... LOVE ended when stopped Believing........Hope ended when stopped Hearing.........and I MISSED YOU ended when stopped talking to me..

--Sometime I feel what I earned in Life.........

MONEY? naaaaaaaaa.........

NAME? naaaaaaaaaaa......

FAME? naaaaaa.........

But I earned the most precious thing!

A friend like you........!

--A candle may melt and it's fire may Die.............But, the "LOVE " you have given "ME" will always light my "LIFE"

--Love and friendship ......... It's a package of feelings..........Nobody can make it.............Nobody can delete it.........Nobody can explain it..........Only we can feel it........... Love you !

--I know friendship is hard to keep but even it gets harder I wont give up. Beacause if its harder to keep you then it will be a lot harder to find you again.

--Remember that theer will always be a person who remembers you everyday with ot without any contact............. Thats me.

Its amazing-An ambitious software engineer

An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. At least for a while. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.She rowed up to him.

In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you get here?" "I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." "It's only me," she said, "and the row boat didn't wash up: nothing did." He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree."

"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man."You had no tools or hardware - how did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature,it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that. Where do you live?"

Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,the man could only stare ahead,dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually,"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?" "No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied.I have made a still - How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted,and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced,"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower and a shave?There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle.Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused."What next?" When he returned,the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began suggestively,Gazing into his Eyes ... very Romantically ..She whispers "We've both been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these months." She stared into his eyes.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing - this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day. "You mean..." he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"

Life isn't fair to men.................

Thought 1:

When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2:

The average man's life consists of - twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going;
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
And at the end, the mourners wondering too.

Thought 3:

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: u take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl hasmore boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywoodheroine and after marriage you have to go around hertwice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love toyou, you are bankrupt because of the number of timesyou had to take her out to movie theatres andrestaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneerbutter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloomatar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneerand aloos you are either in the bed with chroniccholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your careeris the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think thatshe is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because ofthe mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busywatching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that youeither end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state andcovers the whole of south india until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" shemeans she is going to "walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than thenumber of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knowsare "Thank you" and "How are you"
13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than MichaelJackson.

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn'tstudy in IIT or Madras /Anna University.
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with" ... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (TheDubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with heron a 25 year contract to extract coconutoil from herhair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or aflower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name,middle name and surname combined (unless you are fromAndhra)
8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are neversure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden onher head and wears silk saris in the Madras heatwithout looking too uncomfortable while you aremelting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is KrishnamachariSrikkanth.
12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has triedNorth Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like theslang for 'conversation')
13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in everymovie.
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga eachsong you hear is based on.
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she hasalready got plenty of it ..
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than thechampionship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
17. She is more educated than you.
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you..

So..it's always better to be alone and enjoy ur life!!!

Always keep your condoms in car

Dear all

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is:
………….
……… …….
……………â
€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.

Always keep your condoms in car...

Do not complicate the issues............

This particular joke won the award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and it was sent by an Indian...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions ofgalaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small andinsignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Whatdoes it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Someone has stolen our tent".

Good night Kiss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to bid each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling,
he ashed her "hey sweetheart gimme me a kiss"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asked grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" .
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" .....................

"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours.. ..

TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE CALLING BELL

Height of Communication Gap ............

Mr..Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day,
Mrs..Verma receives a telephone call from British Gas because the electricity bill has not been paid. " Am I speaking to Mrs..Verma ? "
"Yes...... speaking"
British Gas guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the British Gas guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight.....he will speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to British Gas office the next day morning
."What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts."
Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at British Gas, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks
."I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Bubble in the bath tub....

A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby.

She said " Let's start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro.

First boy : " My name is john, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub. "

Teacher was confused to listen and said "interesting - well, ok. In
fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is
essentially a child in each of us. So its ok john. Yes next-"

Second boy : " myself peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub "
Teacher now got surprised and said " gooodd.. I like the spirit

of supporting a friend . ok next - "
Third boy : I m smith & my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub "
Teacher : " guys are u joking or what ? please be sincere. Ok next
- "
This continues, and the last boy stands up :
I m herry, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub "

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach u ungrown boyz for long. Any way, now the girls please -"

First girl : I m july and my hobby is to see birds "

Teacher : "gooodd. At last I got something different. Ok
next-"

Second :I m ruby and I like to collect perfumes "

Teacher : " now its like educated grown up girls . ok next - u
sweet girl-

yes u - "
Most beautiful girl of the class : "Mam my name is Bubble, and
hobby is to take bath three times a day " !!!

...enjoy!!!

URINE SAMPLE..........................

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack said to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I had better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replied. "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars....heckof a lot cheaper than a doctor!"

So Jack collected a urine sample in a small jar and took it to the drugstore. When he deposited his ten dollars, the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured the sample into a funnel and waited.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The computer printed out the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo
. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs rings.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

This one will help u in near future..

I had VODKA with WATER I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER I felt DRUNK.
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the World seems to be fading away, come along with me i'll take u an eye specialist !!

I wrote ur name on the sands.............it got washed away,I wrote ur name in air..........................it got blown away,So i wrote ur name in my heart.............i got a HEART ATTACK

LOVE is like a CIGARIt starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends inashes... But dont worry - we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flowerur voice can be compared to a cuckoour inocence to a childbut in stupidityu have no comparisonu r the best

True love is like a pillowu can hug when u r in troubleu can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy so whenu need true love spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

when i call u;1 ring means i'm thinking of u;2 ring means i like u;3 means i miss u;4 means .........pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it toexclamatory sentence ...Student : WOW !

The human brain is most outstanding thing.......it functions 24hrs 365 days.....it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..A beer shortens your life by 4 min..A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the classStudent : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler committed suicide

Indians r business minded and smart....

It is because of the business sense demonstrated below.
An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see theloan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks andneeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such aloan, so the man hands over the keys ofa new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept thecar as collateral for the loan. An employee drives theRolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and theinterest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officersays, "We are very happy to have had your business, and thistransaction has worked out very nicely,but we are alittle puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and foundthat you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you botherto borrow $5,000?"

The Indian replied,” Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeksfor 15 bucks?"Cheers!

Indians are Indians... Smart

Another shot in the Cola wars

This is cool !!!!!! or is it a Master Piece Of Advertising Brainwork?
Take a look at this hoarding by Pepsi. This building is on TTK Road,Chennai. Coca Cola has taken 2nd floor for their sales & marketing office and have recently fixed a board. Two days later Pepsi put up a board on the same building where they have no retail outlet..!

WHY ME.............

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed : "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

The world over --

5 crore children start playing tennis,

50 lakh learn to play tennis,

5 lakh learn professional tennis,

50,000 come to the circuit,

5000 reach the grand slam,

50 reach Wimbeldon,

4 to semi final,

2 to the finals,

When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?".

And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"

Be thankful to GOD for 98% of good things in life

Are you Fond of Honey ?

Why is HONEY golden in color?
A) Because of the Sun the flowers receive?
B) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?
C) Because it's manufactured that way?
D) I don't know.

The answer may be found below.

A little lower...
Just a little lower now...
a little lower....

I can see you,
You are not working and Just Checking mails!

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